Passive Agressive Toddler

Scene One: The paper products isle of the local grocery store. Cute 3 year old girl in the basket in front of me, me minding my own business.

Girl: (Pointing at me) There is a mommy!
Girl's Mom: (looking at me nervously) Ummmm...
Me: That's right, I am a mommy!
Girl's Mom: (starting to breathe again) That's right! She says she is a mommy!
Me: (Smiles and leaves)

Scene Two: In the car, driving home from the grocery store.

Me: (Inside my head, a monologue starts to play) How cute was that little girl? There's a mommy! How darling! Wait. Oliver wasn't with me at the grocery store. Hm, that's wierd, I guess it was just child's intuition. Heh, heh. Out of the mouths of babes I guess. Heh, sigh. I wonder what specifically about me tipped her off. Did she notice my belly roll? Was that what gave it away? I really felt that pair of jeans I wore to the store really hid that well what with it's really high waist and tapered cuffs. Maybe not. It may have been my hair though, I mean, it is tough finding time to not only wash but fix my hair these days so I end up doing neither one normally. Who is this little kid to judge me? Rude, really, to point out that I had the TINIEST hint of spit-up on my shoulder. Was that kid taking a crack at me!? That little brat! I'd like to track her down, follow her for 20 years and then when she puts on mismatched flip-flops to just run to the store for some teething tablets and some well deserved peace, I will pop out from behind an end cap, pointing and laughing as I miniacly shout, "Now THERE'S a mommy!!"