Saturday, December 27, 2008

Dancing with Santa

Oliver dances. A lot. He would rather dance than crawl, walk or sleep. If there is a dissonant noise going on somewhere, you can rest assured my whiter than white son will find a rhythm in it somewhere and will start rocking back and forth! Well, over Christmas, Oliver was taught a new dancey dance by our mechanical Cowboy Santa. Now instead of bopping, he rolls his hips and thrusts his pelvis.

Can't wait to teach him the time warp! Video to follow (as soon as I figure out which camera it is on.)

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Baby's Day Out

Early in the morning me and Daddy got into the big red truck and started driving. We had important man things to do. You need a truck to do man things. We jammed out to the radio (my favorite song is "Going to the Zoo" and Daddy's is " Teddy Bear Picnic", ate some 'Os and Daddy drove when I got too tired. I wasn't sure where we were going, but it sure was fun!

We stopped for some lunch. I ordered a bacon burger and french fries to share with Daddy. It was delish and Grandma was there! Then, the big surprise! A big room stuffed with stuff! Oh it couldn't have been more exciting! We left the big heavy thing we had brought with us and headed to Grandma's house!

They have a swing there, and a big fluffy dog and a Grandpa and an Uncle Ryan! They even got a brand new toy called a Back Door. You open it, you close it, who thinks of these things!? Daddy kept trying to get me to drink some milk but it didn't taste quite right, plus you could actually SEE the milk inside, tres weird. Poor daddy, he didn't know, Sippy cups are for water, Mommies are for milk.

I started to miss my mommy at the end of our trip, but once my favorite song came on the radio I couldn't help but give in to her siren song. Ahhh sleepy time.

I love my mommy, but sometimes a boy needs to just get away from the apron strings and unwind you know? Thinking about getting my own apartment...

Mommy's Day Out

Oh 'twas heaven! CT took Oliver for the day and I got to do whatever I wanted, All. Day. Long. My day started with a cup of coffee, drank it slow and easy. Then, a shower until I got pruny. I got an hour long massage (which made me oily - should have done this first) and it was great! The massage therapist asked if I did heavy lifting for a living. Apparently hauling a soon to be toddler all over creation creates quite the back muscles!

I went home for lunch - because I am still somewhat on a budget - and I painted my toenails. There was much knitting and relaxing and watching of trashy television! Then, a friend called and asked if I wanted to see a movie. DO I!? Know what is better than a movie? Movie with a bucket of beer. And so it was, we went to Alamo Drafthouse for brews and cinema. Note: Role Models isn't as stupid as it looks

After the movie, I met a second friend for drinks and sushi. About halfway through dinner I remembered that I was a mommy. Rather, my boobs reminded the entire restaurant by inflating to twice their size and leaking all over my sashimi. If I was any less blissed out I would have been embarrassed. So, after hurrying home to pump I took a long long long bath with a good book.

You know how youth is wasted on the young? Well solitude is wasted on the single.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Best. Surprise. Ever.

Aunt Britty and Uncle B are back in Texas!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!! It was a total surprise too, they weren't due in until Thursday, but they just showed up Sunday at our weekly family dinner!

We screamed so loud that Oliver started crying. Poor kid! I hate to say it, but Ollie may have been a bit more interested in Brew (the Mastiff) than his long lost relatives!!

They will be staying for 4-6 months while Uncle B finds the perfect school to attend for his Masters Degree. Whatever the reason, we are so happy to have them back!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Fall Fell: A Tale in Pictures

Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Oliver. Oliver was a happy boy, but sadly, Oliver lived in a land where there were no seasons. Where he lived there was no welcomed cooling crispness of fall, no silent fall of the first snow of winter and no happiness of a single spring flower breaking through the quiet slumber of winter. Oliver lived in a place where all the months ran together in a never ending parade of sweat stained shirts and frizzy hair. Oliver lived in Texas

But Oliver didn't know all this yet, he was young enough to have hope. He read in a book once that during "Fall" the weather would turn cold and leaves would fall from the trees. He looked forward to this so called "Fall."

One day, while driving around, saying how do you do to all he met, something went terribly wrong. His tractor simply sputtered and died!!!

He reluctantly climbed out of the seat, and grabbed his tools to see what could possibly be the matter. After a long look at the engine, he noticed a clump of brown leaves caught in the engine. How odd! Usually the only time leaves were brown was when it hadn't rained for a while, or as they called it in Texas, "Summer" But it wasn't Summer, it was December! Hmmm, perplexing!

He was pausing to wonder about this leave problem when he looked up at the tree above. All of the leaves were brown! And as he looked, a mighty wind shook the tree and he was buried in a pile of dead, brown leaves.

It was scary.

After he finished screaming, he decided to pick himself up, brush himself off and get to work. The leaves were an eyesore, and the HOA would not allow him to keep his yard looking such a fright.

And thus ended Oliver's first Fall. It may be 80 degrees in Texas, but at least you have to rake!

The End.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Tree Trimming, Toddler Style

When I was little, Christmas started and ended at Mama's house. As soon as we got out of school we would pack up and head to her house in the country. We would have fires, sing carols, make food (tons of food) and of course, there was the tree.

My grandmother. Mama, has a thing about her tree. Mama always has a beautiful tree. When we were little we all begged to help her decorate and each Christmas we would hear about the mythology behind each ornament. All were special, and each had their specific places. Some were Baby's First Christmases from her three children, and 9 grandchildren. There were ugly, handmade, and treasured ornaments, there were expensive Martha Stewart-esque ornaments. We were all allowed to help carefully place these ornaments but mysteriously, all of the ornaments we clumped haphazardly were reset by "Christmas Elves" while we weren't looking. Over the years, we learned it was better to just watch the master trim the tree, rather than try to get involved. We still felt like we were helping, after all, we cut her job in half since she no longer had to redo our shoddy work.

When it was all said and done, Mama had transformed bits and pieces of our family's history (including a Baby's First Christmas from 1981 - though none of us were born in '81 - it was on sale) into a tree that could make the cover of Better Homes and Gardens. We all know our place now, on the couch, among the boxes upon boxes of decorations, safely drinking egg nog and listening to the stories, but we all know better now than to try and help decorate. Well, almost all of us...

Monday, December 8, 2008

Walk a Mile in my Shoes

Hi there! Oliver Goss here again. Its been a while since I have talked to all of you because it is hard to eat and type at the same time. Did you know about this stuff they call "food"? It is great! Not as good as the mama milk, but WAY better than paper. I want everyone to try it, dogs, cats, mom, dad so I soften it for them (my mommy taught me to do that) and then try to put in their noise makers. They don't like it, I wonder why, tastes great to me and they don't even have to chew it, already done!

What I am not loving is that these people keep insisting that I get around on only two legs. If I was supposed to do that, why in the heck did they give me four? Seriously these big people make things a lot harder than it has to be with their walking and chewing things themselves. A bunch of my friends are doing it but I don't get it, I mean I am SO fast and they are so slow and they keep falling down(embarrassing!) I mean, someone could get hurt! No thanks, four legs are good enough for my dog, and good enough for me.

You know what I do like? Sleeping alone. It really is fantastic, mom and dad should try it. You can wedge your head up in a corner if you want, you can sleep with your butt in the air, whatever you want! Also, I love my mom, but she snores and it is hard for a baby to get his beauty rest. Last night I slept all night long and immediately took a poop, what a great day to be alive!

Saturday, December 6, 2008

On Human Digestion

Warning: this blog post is full of shit.

Oliver has been eating everything lately. EVERYTHING. People actually ask me when he is eating, "is there anything this kid won't eat?" Only took him a good 10 months to be interested and ready. He isn't a huge fan of the saltier meats like ham but that is probably okay because of the sodium content. On Thanksgiving (pictured) he ate for 15 minutes longer than everyone else did! For you moms just starting out on the solids path, the key is variety. He hates to be fed by someone, he has to do it himself and the more choices the better. I can almost hear inside his head, "ok and now some Turkey, oh and Mr. Green bean thanks for joining the party, well HELLO Ms. Peach slice and I think I can just fit a few grains of you Ricey old pal!" The kid shoves food in his mouth to the point where he had to learn to take some of it out.

Oh the things you will see (and smell) when your baby starts eating finger foods. You find out more than a medical student would on what exactly our bodies do with food. For instance, did you know that the skins of vegetables and fruits simply pass through a child's body. I can easily identify and label tomatoes, beans, and carrots. The one thing I was very nervous about was the addition of meat to his diet. I had heard such horrible things about his poops changing to toxic waste. Luckily though, the smell hasn't gotten worse at all. Of course, Oliver is still eating a vegetable centric diet, so that could be the reason, but he does have the occasional piece of turkey or chicken patty.

It is so much fun letting him try new things! So far, he likes everything but spice. He wipes spicy off his tongue.

Friday, December 5, 2008

The Maine Thing

You know what is worse than a baby with a runny nose? A baby with croup. You know what is worse than that? A baby with croup and a mommy with a raging cold and sinus infection. And what is even worse?! A baby with croup, a mommy with a sinus infection ON A PLANE. Sadly, I think I whined and cried more than Oliver did, but then I wasn't lucky enough to have a boob in my mouth the whole time. You know what it feels like when the plane lands and takes off? It feels like I tiny elf crawling up your nose and shoving an ice pick in your eye. Remember that next time you are stuck on a plane with a screaming infant. Tiny murderous elves.

It was a good trip though, full of lobster, homemade turkeys and snot. Lots and lots of snot. We saw a really fun children's museum, a real life fish monger and the inside of at least two Rite Aids. Side note: You know you are stopped up when you can't even smell the inside of a fish shop. Unfortunately we were a real thorn in the side of the friends we went to see. They have a four month old and were so afraid of her getting sick, they kept reminding us that they cloroxed everything as soon as we left. That was a bit embarrassing, and poor Oliver just wanted to be held and played with, but they were too afraid of getting our creeping crud. Not that I blame them, we looked like we had SARS. I couldn't talk for an entire day. AWESOME.

The people of Portland, Maine will never be the same. They will be sicker for one.