OK, so, I have online friends. I admit it sounds dorky at first. I have been with them since I was trying to conceive Oliver. For over a year I have relied on the friendship, support, knowledge and humor of these girls who are a cross section of America. On www.twoweekwait.com I learned how to chart my ovulation, I grieved with others when they lost pregnancies, rejoiced with them when they were once again pregnant, these girls taught me how to breastfeed, they also taught me the thrill and addiction to new fluffy mail. We talked about everything! Cervix position, mucus, discharge, sex, cracked nipples, cooter stitches, hemorrhoids and laundry. You can see why I feel comfortable with these girls and consider them to be my friends and not just some people on a board somewhere.
I felt that we were close enough to ask a simple question to my friends. I asked, "why do people formula feed?" It was a post written out of love for breastfeeding not out of judgment to those mamas who don't, but it quickly escalated. Now what used to be a supportive, loving and peaceful board is a shit storm of emotion, anger and hurt. The formula feeding moms think we are saying formula is poison, (no but the formula companies MAY be the devil - more later) the breast feeding moms are interrupting perfectly peaceful threads about formula feeding. Things are getting ugly.
Eleanor Roosevelt once said that, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." I believe this to be true. There is more guilt involved in child rearing than you can shake a stick at, and don't you know that shaking a stick is dangerous around a child anyway?! You could put someone's eye out! No matter what you do, if you are not confident in your decision, you will feel like a failure. If you feed your baby breastmilk, someone is going to think it is gross. If you feed your baby formula, someone is going to think you are neglecting it.
I have been called several names both publicly and privately these past few days, by those women I used to call friends. It has worn on me as these ladies are sorta my lifeline as a SAHM and I don't get out much. I know that people may not understand this, but it was like losing all my friends at once. I wish I could take it back but even my apology was criticized! My safe place where I could be myself, and I could learn about parenting from several different standpoints is gone and that makes me sad. Does this mean I have to make ACTUAL friends that I can ACTUALLY meet? Gosh I hope not, I hate hugging...
5 comments:
Major LOL from the former employee of a bf organization. I have sure witnessed a lot of these little things in online communities (mine was feminist mothers at home, where a couple dared to formula feed). Don't instigate discussions of breastfeeding, diapering options or vaccinations if you aren't prepared to don the flameproof suit. Oh, religion and politics, too, but that's given. I have also enjoyed hissies over fast food, menstrual cups and don't forget home schoooling, unschooling, private schooling and public schooling. You have tons of fun ahead of you in the online parenting world. I've made lifelong friends, but seen a lot of ugliness too.
I know this has hurt you, my darling. I hurt for you. When all else fails though, you can rely on family. We may criticize and argue with you, but when it all boils down, we're still your family and will always love you and support you.
Keep up the good work! Your mothering abilities are incredible.
~love and hugs, mom
Hey! You probably don't really know me but I'm a blog stalker. I know you a little from tww and saw all the ugliness that happened...I'm so sorry. What you probably didn't realize is that it's all happened before several times...so while your question might have instigated it...it's always been there brewing before you ever asked.
Anyway, I've been meaning to comment here and let you know how hilarious I find your blog! I've seriously thought about plagiarizing your posts about bfing and cding to pass on to our family who thinks we're nuts!
I offer my sympathy. I hate when that happens.
I too have a group of online friends. We've seen each other through the deaths of children and adults, pregnancies, adoptions, divorces, moves. And so on. I've met them all IRL for a few days in the over 10 years I've known them, but of course I talk to them every day. We've had people come and go, but never anything ugly like that.
Our biggest argument (and it was never an argument; it's a continuing gag at this point) is over the correct wording of that nursery rhyme about the wet spider. You know, is it an Itsy Bitsy spider or an Eency Wency one? We find we can shake our heads over the obtuseness of those who simply can't sing it right, and we go on. I hope you can find such a group. They are worth their weight in gold.
(Would you come back to choir if I promise not to hug you?(g)
DianeS
owned by Wilma, Angel, and Simba
rented out by Fleur, Gizmo, Hedwig, Itsy, and Jaspurr
Oh Honey, I'm so sorry that you feel this way. Stuff like that tends to happen on TWW from time to time. Holli is right. Your question may have struck the match, but there were several people on that site (who will remain unnamed) that poured gasoline on it. I'm Lola from the site by the way. I believe that I posted a response to your question. Don't let these people get to you. It is a touchy subject, but you know what......facts are facts, truth is truth. I FF because I had no choice. Some people don't like it when truth is given to them. I think in the world today we're supposed to be super PC, never step on anyone's toes. Well you know what my mama always use to say about stuff like that? "Put your big girl panties on and DEAL with it". You did nothing wrong. You are feeding your baby the way God intended you to. That's what those things were made for!!!! Maybe your question could have been phrased a little better, yes...but these was no reason for it to turn into what it did. That was someone elses issues coming out,not yours. So darlin', relax...come back and play with us. Let's all talk about our babies fabulous fluffy behinds and be friends. Big hugs to you!!!
Love,
Rae (aka Lola)
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