Tree Trimming, Toddler Style

When I was little, Christmas started and ended at Mama's house. As soon as we got out of school we would pack up and head to her house in the country. We would have fires, sing carols, make food (tons of food) and of course, there was the tree.

My grandmother. Mama, has a thing about her tree. Mama always has a beautiful tree. When we were little we all begged to help her decorate and each Christmas we would hear about the mythology behind each ornament. All were special, and each had their specific places. Some were Baby's First Christmases from her three children, and 9 grandchildren. There were ugly, handmade, and treasured ornaments, there were expensive Martha Stewart-esque ornaments. We were all allowed to help carefully place these ornaments but mysteriously, all of the ornaments we clumped haphazardly were reset by "Christmas Elves" while we weren't looking. Over the years, we learned it was better to just watch the master trim the tree, rather than try to get involved. We still felt like we were helping, after all, we cut her job in half since she no longer had to redo our shoddy work.

When it was all said and done, Mama had transformed bits and pieces of our family's history (including a Baby's First Christmas from 1981 - though none of us were born in '81 - it was on sale) into a tree that could make the cover of Better Homes and Gardens. We all know our place now, on the couch, among the boxes upon boxes of decorations, safely drinking egg nog and listening to the stories, but we all know better now than to try and help decorate. Well, almost all of us...

Walk a Mile in my Shoes

Hi there! Oliver Goss here again. Its been a while since I have talked to all of you because it is hard to eat and type at the same time. Did you know about this stuff they call "food"? It is great! Not as good as the mama milk, but WAY better than paper. I want everyone to try it, dogs, cats, mom, dad so I soften it for them (my mommy taught me to do that) and then try to put in their noise makers. They don't like it, I wonder why, tastes great to me and they don't even have to chew it, already done!

What I am not loving is that these people keep insisting that I get around on only two legs. If I was supposed to do that, why in the heck did they give me four? Seriously these big people make things a lot harder than it has to be with their walking and chewing things themselves. A bunch of my friends are doing it but I don't get it, I mean I am SO fast and they are so slow and they keep falling down(embarrassing!) I mean, someone could get hurt! No thanks, four legs are good enough for my dog, and good enough for me.

You know what I do like? Sleeping alone. It really is fantastic, mom and dad should try it. You can wedge your head up in a corner if you want, you can sleep with your butt in the air, whatever you want! Also, I love my mom, but she snores and it is hard for a baby to get his beauty rest. Last night I slept all night long and immediately took a poop, what a great day to be alive!

On Human Digestion

Warning: this blog post is full of shit.

Oliver has been eating everything lately. EVERYTHING. People actually ask me when he is eating, "is there anything this kid won't eat?" Only took him a good 10 months to be interested and ready. He isn't a huge fan of the saltier meats like ham but that is probably okay because of the sodium content. On Thanksgiving (pictured) he ate for 15 minutes longer than everyone else did! For you moms just starting out on the solids path, the key is variety. He hates to be fed by someone, he has to do it himself and the more choices the better. I can almost hear inside his head, "ok and now some Turkey, oh and Mr. Green bean thanks for joining the party, well HELLO Ms. Peach slice and I think I can just fit a few grains of you Ricey old pal!" The kid shoves food in his mouth to the point where he had to learn to take some of it out.

Oh the things you will see (and smell) when your baby starts eating finger foods. You find out more than a medical student would on what exactly our bodies do with food. For instance, did you know that the skins of vegetables and fruits simply pass through a child's body. I can easily identify and label tomatoes, beans, and carrots. The one thing I was very nervous about was the addition of meat to his diet. I had heard such horrible things about his poops changing to toxic waste. Luckily though, the smell hasn't gotten worse at all. Of course, Oliver is still eating a vegetable centric diet, so that could be the reason, but he does have the occasional piece of turkey or chicken patty.

It is so much fun letting him try new things! So far, he likes everything but spice. He wipes spicy off his tongue.

The Maine Thing

You know what is worse than a baby with a runny nose? A baby with croup. You know what is worse than that? A baby with croup and a mommy with a raging cold and sinus infection. And what is even worse?! A baby with croup, a mommy with a sinus infection ON A PLANE. Sadly, I think I whined and cried more than Oliver did, but then I wasn't lucky enough to have a boob in my mouth the whole time. You know what it feels like when the plane lands and takes off? It feels like I tiny elf crawling up your nose and shoving an ice pick in your eye. Remember that next time you are stuck on a plane with a screaming infant. Tiny murderous elves.

It was a good trip though, full of lobster, homemade turkeys and snot. Lots and lots of snot. We saw a really fun children's museum, a real life fish monger and the inside of at least two Rite Aids. Side note: You know you are stopped up when you can't even smell the inside of a fish shop. Unfortunately we were a real thorn in the side of the friends we went to see. They have a four month old and were so afraid of her getting sick, they kept reminding us that they cloroxed everything as soon as we left. That was a bit embarrassing, and poor Oliver just wanted to be held and played with, but they were too afraid of getting our creeping crud. Not that I blame them, we looked like we had SARS. I couldn't talk for an entire day. AWESOME.

The people of Portland, Maine will never be the same. They will be sicker for one.

A bit of sleep training

Call me crazy. Call me mean. Tell me that I am creating a tiny psychopath and am a bad mother, but I will tell you something, I am now a well rested bad mother. Here is what our bedtime ritual used to look like.

5pm Fussing because it is too early for dinner and too late for nap
5:30pm I am about to go crazy waiting for CT to get home so I can make dinner
6pm Rushing through making dinner so we can feed the boy
6:30pm Giving up on making and eating dinner because baby is so fussy
7pm Nursing baby to "sleep"
7:30pm Tries to lay the baby down, he wakes up screaming as I leave the room
7:45pm Walking the baby around the room while he screams
8pm Give the baby to CT who walks the baby around the room while he screams
8:30pm Baby nurses some more
9pm Lays the baby down once more, this time without breathing
10:30pm Baby wakes screaming, sleeps with us nursing all night long

As you can see, this schedule is enough to drive anyone crazy, and without even realizing it, the baby was miserable and crying through most of it. Our need to be the perfect attachment parents drove us to try to put a crying baby to sleep by letting him cry, albeit in our arms.

So, during quite a difficult morning that was preceeded by several difficult days, a very stinky and very tired mommy decided that there are two choices here. Either put the baby down and let him cry while I take a shower (5 minutes TOPS - I shower like a man) or I will break that #1 rule and shake that baby until he stops. The choice was clear.

By the time I finished my sprint shower, there was nothing. No crying, no sobbing, no screaming. The baby was asleep. ASLEEP! 2 hours later when he woke up, I loved him again. Breakthrough! A few days later we decided to try it with night-time. He cried for three minutes, and then, sleep until 2am. Now our routine looks like this:

6pm Dinner is served, baby eats whether it is something we are eating or just cheerios
6:30pm Bathtime followed by nakey time
7pm Nursing to sleep
7:30pm Lay baby down in the crib he fusses
7:31pm I hardly get downstairs by the time he is asleep
1am Baby wakes, nursed to sleep and back in bed
7am Wake up refreshed and happy!!

So what is worse, having a baby scream in your arms for two hours or cry in a crib for 5 minutes?

Impossible!!

Moms aren't supposed to get sick. Mine never did. I always wondered whether mom's had a super duper immune system like doctors cause they never complain or get sick, they just keep going and feeding and cleaning. Well, I must be a bad mom cause I am officially sick. Thankfully, I have a wonderful husband, and Oliver has a wonderful father who is staying home to take care of both of us. This is a good thing because every time I move I feel like I am going to hurl.

So, I leave you with a video of Oliver being uncooperative. In this video, he sounds like I feel. I will be back when I can keep something down. Have a good Monday!

Just in time!

CT got home at 9pm last night from his big important business trip. Oliver started puking his guts out at 11pm. Awwww, was waiting for daddy! This is our first bout with sickness, and it SUCKS. The poor little guy wakes up, demands to nurse and then about 5 minutes later is writhing in agony, then he choke/gag/pukes all over the floor. I then rock him in the glider (who has never seen such action before) until he falls back to sleep. This cycle repeats every hour or so. Linda Blair has nothing on this kid. I have never seen him so unhappy.

No fever or diarrhea, so it isn't looking like Rotavirus, and I am nauseous too, so I guess it could have been something we ate and it is just affecting him more. I will be calling the doctor this morning, who will of course suggest the sugar water called, Pedialyte. No thanks, I would rather feed him the medicine my body makes specifically for the sickness he has, but thanks for the suggestion. I have to chart pee diapers like he was a newborn to make sure he isn't getting dehydrated. I just want to hold him. He hasn't slept this late...ever.

Of course, CT's first comment: What did you give him? What did mommy do to you while I was gone? Oh nice, now my heart is broken along with me being worried out of my mind. Yes, he did eat some dish detergent yesterday morning, but I think I got it all out, he puked a few minutes later (apparently didn't like the taste) and has none of the symptoms related to poisoning by detergent. I don't get it...what DID I do??

Pray for us. It is a dark and very moist hour here at the Goss residence.

Update: I knew he was really sick when he laid his head on my chest for 20 minutes while awake. The doctor says it is just a bug and that we should just keep nursing as often as he wants to keep him hydrated. The throwing up is almost over and the diarrhea should start any second and last for days. YAY!