Immunization Rant

Okay, I get it! Heaven forbid my child becomes the Outbreak monkey and infects thousands with a long dead virus like Polio or Measles but is it absolutely necessary to stab the child four times every two months?! Won't this just cause worse and worse illnesses to appear and weaker and weaker immune systems? The worst part with shots isn't the crying, or the look of betrayal, or holding them down while a stranger hurts them. It isn't even the day after when they spike a fever of 101.6 and their leg swells up and is painful to move. It is the feeling that you are doing something wrong. That in the next 20 years, when they are researching why so many little boys have Autism, or a third eye or something, they will realize, oh, maybe we SHOULDN'T have overloaded their systems at two days old with the Hep. B vaccine.

They also want me to give him Vitamin D supplement so he doesn't get Rickets. RICKETS?? What are we, pirates?! You want me to make sure he gets citrus too so he doesn't get Scurvy?! And make sure, no pet rats, you know what a bitch that Black Death is!! Not to get all preachy and religious on these people, but isn't it something that we trust god with our jobs, money, lives, even our death, but when it comes to our babies, doctors are the leading authority. I mean I get it, my grandmother had Polio and it is a good thing that vaccines exist, but what is the rush!? Do you really think a two month old is going to stumble into a measles outbreak? OR could it be possible that it is just more convenient for the doctors to haphazardly give these quick four shots, and be done with it?

The really scary thing? If, god forbid, there was an outbreak of one of the diseases that he has been immunized against, the shots would not prevent him from getting sick necessarily. In fact, most the people who get sick with an outbreak HAVE been immunized. It concerns me that he has every side effect mentioned and that even the CDC states that the side effects will just worsen with each shot. This scares me enough to delay or stagger the rest of his shots.

Four Month Appointment

Well, today was a red letter day. Oliver had his four month doctor appointment and he did really well, even with the nasty shots. As a side note, the next kid will be on a spaced out, delayed shot schedule. I just think 5 each time is absurd. Anyway, he got his shots, and spit out the rotovirus. The nurse said it was so sugary most kids like it, well not my kid! He spit all of it out, so I guess he protests the amount of immunizations as well. He cried for a few seconds, but as soon as he had his mommy he stopped.

The good part? He weighs 15lbs, 10oz and is 25" long! The doctor said he is a poster child for breastfeeding and that he needs nothing else until 6 months. At that time, we are to start him on rice (brown organic) cereal. Just a little bit at a time if he likes it we can move on to other foods. I look forward to solids because I don't feel rushed into it. It is nice to have a doctor who backs you up on such things!

He is on track or ahead of schedule on all milestones, she was a little worried about him not laughing yet and then he did that squeak squeal he does all the time, and she was all, what do you call that!? I guess he has been laughing for about a month if that counts. I was thinking laughing meant giggles, which he never does. I think it is just because we aren't very funny. Well, I am, but CT, not so much.

The doctor also complimented us on his diapers. When was the last time a baby in pampers got compliments - I ask you!

Breastfeeding 101

Oliver is four months old! I wonder if I squeeze him tight enough, he will stop growing and stay tiny forever. In the past four months, I have been asked time and time again the same basic questions about breastfeeding. Sometimes several times by the same people. So, I thought maybe I should post my answers here as people believe print more than words sometimes. I will include research links to back up my answers.

Q: Why aren't you giving him water?
A: Babies do not need water, as breastmilk is 88% water. Even in the hottest, driest climates babies get all the water they need from breastmilk. When they are Oliver's age, babies will fill up on water and will not want to nurse. As water has no calories or nutritional value, it is akin to giving them air instead of food. This causes problems as you can imagine. http://www.kellymom.com/nutrition/solids/baby-water.html

Q: Can I give him just one bite of french fry, ice cream, meat and potato, etc?
A: NO! Oliver is only 4 months old. The American Academy of Pediatrics (along with World Health Organization, UNICEF, etc) doesn't recommend starting solids (and yes, cereal is a solid) until at least 6 months. Some babies aren't ready until 9 months. The longer you delay solids, the less likely the baby is to have allergies, get sick, become obese, and prevents future siblings. So please, unless Oliver meets all the following items, do not feed him solids. http://www.kellymom.com/nutrition/solids/solids-when.html

• Baby can sit up well without support.
• Baby has lost the tongue-thrust reflex and does not automatically push solids out of his mouth with his tongue.
• Baby is ready and willing to chew.
• Baby is developing a “pincer” grasp, where he picks up food or other objects between thumb and forefinger. Using the fingers and scraping the food into the palm of the hand (palmar grasp) does not substitute for pincer grasp development.
• Baby is eager to participate in mealtime and may try to grab food and put it in his mouth.

Q: How long do you plan on breastfeeding? (usually said with a sour look)
A: As long as I can. I used to think that once they can ask for it by name, they need to wean. Think of your favorite food. I bet you ask for it by name, does this mean you should no longer have it? Many women wean as soon as the baby comprehends what he is getting, how sad is this! The baby is just starting to realize how much he loves breastfeeding and then it gets jerked away! I will stop BFing when the baby is no longer interested. If this means 2 years, don't look at me like I am molesting my child. It makes me want to cry just thinking about weaning, come to think of it, probably makes HIM cry too. http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/ebf-benefits.html

Q: Don't you need to pump and dump if you have that glass of wine?
A: A glass of wine or A beer is not that big of a deal. I usually have maybe 1-2 drinks a week, and I wait until after the baby has eaten to have one giving the minute amount of alcohol to leave my system before he wants to eat again. Or I give him a bottle with expressed milk. The rule of thumb is "safe to drive, safe to feed". I do appreciate your concern though! http://www.kellymom.com/health/lifestyle/alcohol.html

Sorry this isn't a cute, funny blog. I am getting really tired of hearing people talk about breastfeeding as if it were a drain on me and something to get over fast. I know you all want to feed Oliver, and after all solids are fun! However, I want to do the best for my child so please trust that I am doing just that by giving him food GOD made for him. He has years and years and years to spend away from me, so let him be completely dependent on me for just a little while please.

Baby's First Tornado

A call interrupted our peaceful evening on Wednesday night. CT had decided to stay home from choir that night so we were all in bed watching some show we had DVRed. The call came from my mom, she was panicked as a huge storm was headed straight for us. This same storm had been producing tornadoes elsewhere, so it was a good time to call. So, reluctantly, we turn Super Nanny off and start watching a local channel. Well that confirmed it, yup, thats a storm alright!

The weatherman was warning everyone to stay inside and to get to somewhere safe. So, like all suburban white folk, CT heads outside. But it was okay, because so was our neighbor. I was finishing a brownie when the warning call was issued. "OK, that sounds like a train, lets get in a bathroom." Now, for all of you who have been to my house, and have peed in my downstairs bathroom, you understand. In a tiny, 4X4 half bath we crammed CT, myself, the baby who was fighting sleep anyway, and our very skittish deer-like dog.

CT decided, we need a radio in here. So I go get the radio from the garage. I also got: a flashlight, my baby pillow from upstairs, a toy for the baby, a treat for my dog, a cell phone AND the house phone, my grandmother's earrings, and, finally, the Lone Star I had been drinking. Then I realized, why am I the one who is going on a scavenger hunt while CT stays safe in the bathroom. Afterall, I am our son's FOOD SOURCE. Finally, after all things were collected, we sat, waiting for the roof to fly off, in a tiny, unairconditioned, bathroom.

It was then when we realized, we can't hear the TV and the radio isn't working. This was also around the same time that the hail started. We crept out of the bathroom to see if we could catch some news. The weatherman was saying to stay away from windows and to get to the bathroom. So of course, we run to the windows to see how big the hail was. Around this time, our neighbor ran across the street and is banging on our door to make sure we were inside and safe. Ponder the amazing logic of this man while I continue the story...

Well, the "train sound" got really loud, so we run back into the bathroom, grabbing a folding chair so I could sit on our way. Let me stop the story for a bit to explain something about me. When I get nervous, I get gassy. When I get very nervous, I poop. It's nature's way of weeding me out of the herd, because everything I have read says that fight or flight should make your bodily functions stop. Nervous Elimination may be hereditary because when the baby gets nervous, he throws up. Okay, back to the story. Too bad for CT, we didn't have a gas mask, because as I said before, it was a very small unventilated room and I was getting nervous, and uncomfortable. I said this much to CT, and he looked at me with a mixture of fear and nausea. "No way you are pooping with me sitting on a folding chair watching you. Go upstairs."

By that time, there was very big, very loud hail pounding on our roof and hammering on our windows. So, I am not stupid, I didn't go upstairs. I RAN upstairs. Thankfully, everything came out okay, and the storm lifted. We all learned something that day. Like, we need to have a storm kit. And that storm kit should include water, snacks, dog treats and a bigger bathroom.

Beware: Baby Crack

It is 10am. Do you know where your infant is? I know where mine is, chilling in his swing, staring blankly at a screen. It goes by several names. The boob tube, the idiot box, the telly. It's scientific name is Television, street name, TV. Beware, new parents, of this charming, seemingly harmless fascination that your child might have with the people who live inside that pretty box. Soon, they will lose interest in their old hobbies of finding their toes and drooling for more dangerous liaisons with Jon and Kate Plus 8, Oprah, and The Colbert Report. No longer will they be satisfied with smiling pleasantly at passerbys at restaurants. Instead they will stare, mouth agape at the classic basketball game playing, nay, lurking in the bar.

The addiction starts harmlessly. Maybe at Easter at your in-laws your baby might be sitting on the lap of his beloved grandma, and maybe, just maybe Cinderella Man is playing in front of him. No one is watching the two month old, since we all know babies don't watch TV, when it happens. He gets his first taste of television. The first sample is free of course, but soon the child is stealing glances at the electronic section at Target, trying to sell his teething rings on Ebay to pay for his Netflix subscription, and going on all night TiVo binges.

The sad truth is that it happens to nice families. You think you are doing everything right as a prenatal parent, reading to them everynight, playing classy music for them, and you never stuck your fetus in front of the TV you had installed in your womb, you swear! But like it or not, somewhere between the delivery room and Baby's First Trip to Fry's - they got hooked. When this happens, you have a decision to make. Are you going to allow them to watch crap or educational material? Obvious right? Which is why I have banned Baby Einstein and my baby now watches Star Trek and The Daily Show.

Weekend Fun

So, new plan people! I have decided too much goes on those days that Daddy is home. Therefore, I, Oliver Liam Goss shall not sleep during this time. I will do whatever it takes to keep my eyes from closing. This includes but is not limited to: raising my eyebrows as high as they go (see picture), playing with rings - I love those things, screaming when the boob gets near - that wicked woman always puts me to bed, and moaning rhythmically to keep myself awake.

Afterall, there are parties to go to, conversations to not understand, colorful shirts to stare at! You would be crazy to sleep at a time like that! At this time in my life, I am doing so much. Rolling over, standing on people, putting things in my mouth-taking them out-putting them in-out again, the possibilities are endless!

One silly thing that I am being subjected to is that sometimes they put me in a jail at night. Who ever slept well in jail? And what did I do to deserve such a thing? Is my crime being sleepy, cause that is when they put me in there! Well, I don't know what they are thinking but if they insist on taking me away from warm milky people and placing me in an isolation chamber, I will show them...I shall never sleep!!!

Another thing I enjoy is baths. You know what I don't enjoy? Leaving the bath. Is it possible to live in that little tub? The outside world is so dry, it is silly really. I hear a rumor about a HUGE bathtub that is FILLED with water. The Boob keeps asking Daddy to find some kind of card to get us into this water wonderland. I wonder where he is on that, cause I am ready! And you know another...thing...(yawn)....I I I (smack smack) like...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Fun with Baby

Oliver has learned how to be interesting! He no longer just lays about wasting the day away, waiting to be fed and changed. In fact, it is really difficult to get him to lay anywhere for a long amount of time. He wants to be standing, sitting, talking and moving. His favorite games include:

1. Near/Far - I admit I stole this one from a Sesame Street. You remember the skit where Grover ruuuuns up to the screen saying "near!!" and then runs, arms akimbo, away from the screen screaming, "faaaar!" Well, it is a little bit like that but we stand the baby up and lean him close to our face, and then away from our face.

2. Air Toss or Flying Game - We all are familiar with this one. We are certain with enough practice, we can teach our infant to not just crawl and walk, but also fly. To this end, we toss Oliver up above our heads and wiggle him back down. Also, we hold him high above our heads and zoom him around. He is a little rough on the landings still.

3. Fill the Sonic Cup - This is best played in the car. We will be sitting, nursing quietly with the radio playing. Then, Oliver pops off the boob at the exact second that my milk starts really flowing, sending me scrambling for something to hold over my boob. Hence, fill the sonic cup!

4. Diaper Dump - This game can only be played when a new diaper arrives in the mail. First, I pet the diaper and squeeze it. Then, since the baby has already had his daily poop, I try it on him. Much oohing and ahhing commences. The baby immediately poops long, and loudly, ruining any chances I had of picture taking, or reveling in new fluff.
WARNING: Gratuitous Fluff Shot!!


5. Solamente Español - In my efforts to make my son bilingual, I invented this game. It consists of me trying to thread together enough high school Spanish to talk to Oliver about basic things. An example of a conversacíon: "¿Cuantos dedos de pies tienes? Uno, dos, tres etc. ¿Cuantos dedos de manos tienes? Uno, dos, tres, etc. ¿Quien es el niño muy guapo? Tú eras!"
I think this is probably just going to confuse the kid in the long run, but I have fun...and so do any native speakers who overhear.

6. Upchuck on Chuck - This is a very basic sort of a game that only needs two participants, only one needs to be aware that there is a game going on at all. The unaware party plays with Oliver until he is good and shaken up. He then tosses his cookies all over them. This is fun for two reasons. First, the baby feels much better afterwards. Secondly, it makes me feel like a bad mother for having a baby who throws up all the time. Variations of this game include Upchuck on Britt, Upchuck on Gean, and Upchuck on Mama. (Please click on picture for action shot)