Beware: Baby Crack

It is 10am. Do you know where your infant is? I know where mine is, chilling in his swing, staring blankly at a screen. It goes by several names. The boob tube, the idiot box, the telly. It's scientific name is Television, street name, TV. Beware, new parents, of this charming, seemingly harmless fascination that your child might have with the people who live inside that pretty box. Soon, they will lose interest in their old hobbies of finding their toes and drooling for more dangerous liaisons with Jon and Kate Plus 8, Oprah, and The Colbert Report. No longer will they be satisfied with smiling pleasantly at passerbys at restaurants. Instead they will stare, mouth agape at the classic basketball game playing, nay, lurking in the bar.

The addiction starts harmlessly. Maybe at Easter at your in-laws your baby might be sitting on the lap of his beloved grandma, and maybe, just maybe Cinderella Man is playing in front of him. No one is watching the two month old, since we all know babies don't watch TV, when it happens. He gets his first taste of television. The first sample is free of course, but soon the child is stealing glances at the electronic section at Target, trying to sell his teething rings on Ebay to pay for his Netflix subscription, and going on all night TiVo binges.

The sad truth is that it happens to nice families. You think you are doing everything right as a prenatal parent, reading to them everynight, playing classy music for them, and you never stuck your fetus in front of the TV you had installed in your womb, you swear! But like it or not, somewhere between the delivery room and Baby's First Trip to Fry's - they got hooked. When this happens, you have a decision to make. Are you going to allow them to watch crap or educational material? Obvious right? Which is why I have banned Baby Einstein and my baby now watches Star Trek and The Daily Show.