Things Toddlers Teach You

- You will never leave the house with everything you need.
- If you bring snacks, no one will eat them.
- If you forget snacks, there will be a fit in the middle of the HEB until you open a container of goldfish mid-isle.
- Cellphones are slippery.
- A clean house is only going to last until naptime is over.
- Brushing your teeth makes you need to pee.
- A grape is a grape whether or not it has been under a table for a week and is covered in hair.
- Babies only want to be outside under the following conditions: The grass is wet, it is extremely cold, it is extremely hot, you are out there with them.
- Water is best when it is inside and on the floor.
- You never think YOUR baby will be the bully, but he is.
- No matter how many different kinds of food you place on a highchair, they always want something just out of pointing distance.
- Your food is always more desirable.
- Toddler forks can't stab and toddler spoons can't scoop and therefore are pointless wastes of money.
- Grandmothers and Great-grandmothers will always insist they use toddler utensils.
- Toddlers don't like 100% fruit juice, they like capri-suns.
- No amount of weaning, solids, naps, lack of naps, scheduling, mashed potatoes or daddy time will make a toddler sleep through the night.
- Talking is overrated. Pointing and shrieking is where its at!