Holy Crap I feel like blogging...

I couldn't possibly catch you up on all of the stuff that the kids have been doing lately, but the biggest news is that Henley is walking(ish) now. She still prefers to crawl, well, actually she prefers to sit in the middle of the floor screaming shrilly until I pick her up, but if I am pooping or otherwise disposed she will crawl. She only walks if both her hands are busy with something else, usually an Iphone.

Oliver tries my patience every. single. day. I am trying to be more understanding and more consistent, but he is going through the threes and that just isn't a whole lot of fun for anyone. He is doing great at school, his teachers and classmates love him - when he isn't pulling their hair - and he is being promoted to Pre-K next fall! I am so amazed at his humor and manners with strangers, he is a joy to experience and I am lucky I get to spend every day with him. As I say this he is mercifully with his father because while most times he is a joy, the hours after his nap to when he closes his eyes are nothing short of pure hellish torture. And as anyone can tell you, I think torture is wrong.

I am working on expanding my repitoire of cool stuff for kids to do when I don't want to deal with them, and in that line, I am starting to make sensory boxes for the two kids. Something I don't have to put together but once and then they are ready to go whenever Henley or Oliver are antsy. The biggest problem is that set up takes so long as does clean up, that they are bored by the time I sit down to let them work on the craft or whatever. It becomes increasingly easy to just plunk them in front of the TV instead.

We just got back from a trip to Portland, OR to see some of my favorite people on the planet; my sister, brother in law, his sister and their dog Brew. We had a blast, and I will post pictures as soon as I find both cameras and have a second to download all of them.

I am in school this summer in a Child Development class, still online. I have three more classes after this to finish my pre-requisites for the IBCLC exam. I am currently making an A (just got a 96 on my first test!!).

I guess what I am saying is, I am back to the blogging world. I am not able to get online as much as I would like, so the support group of Facebook and my parenting website isn't the huge presence it was at one time of my life, and I can't take the rejection and guilt when I post something minor about my kid because it is concerning or confusing me, but no one responds because I haven't been able to post a sad face or "virtual hugs" about their situation. It feels like I have lost all my friends, all at once. Of course, this isn't really true, but I miss them anyway!

My Life With The Tummy Yucks

After driving for three hours from Dallas this weekend, (had a blasty blast while there though!!) the baby started puking and didn't stop until nothing was coming out. Good news, she slept through the night - bad news, it was because she hadn't the energy to wake up. The rest of our night and much of today has been spent with her either sleeping or throwing up, us changing Oliver's pants because he keeps having "poop accidents" and lots and lots of laundry. And yet, I still found my inner domestic goddess in time to make homemade four cheese panchetta macaroni and cheese and a nutritious dinner - heck, I may even make cookies because that is what I do when my kids are sick, I make yummy things they can't eat. HAHA! More for me suckahs! Not really, its just my way of overcompensating for letting them get sick in the first place, cause you know, us moms are supposed to be able to control things like germs.

Since the later part of this weekend has sorta been a bust, and I am so not wanting to fold the twenty plus loads of laundry that are lurking in my hallway and since I am also delaying picking up the house so that my cleaning ladies can do a thurough cleaning tomorrow, wondering how I am going to find time to study and take my test this week, worrying about our road trip on Thursday and I am also kicking myself for not telling CT to pick up a bottle of wine while he was out today (I am so awesome I even multitask procrastination!) I thought I would list all the things I AM grateful for as a bit of a pick me up.

1. I am not Charlie Sheen
2. Neither is CT
3. CT is actually really enjoying reading "Room" with me and asked that I wait to listen to the rest for our road trip
4. My new dog is very sweet and loves my kiddos
5. That macaroni and cheese was Paula Dean worthy
6. I own my own washer and dryer
7. My sister is coming to visit for my brother/daughter's birthdays in a week!!!!
8. In a few short days I will have been married for 6 years
9. The "Music is Awesome" Yo Gabba Gabba CD is available for me to check out from the library just in time for our road trip
10. Road trip to Alabama happening in mere days!!
11. I am so spoiled I whine about things like cleaning ladies
12. All my books I had ordered from Paperback swap came in today

Ramona is My Best

Today in the car, coming back from our "Parents of Young Children" Chalice circle, the topic of friends came up. Well, actually, it was the fact that I stupidly (we don't say stupid!) said bouncy house rather than spelled it. This is how it went down.



Me: I think we are gonna go to the bounce-
Oliver: BOUNCY CASTLE!!!!!!!
Me: Dang.
Oliver: When we going??
Me: Tomorrow.
Oliver: Who else is coming?
Me: Carolyn and Cora
Oliver: Maybe 'Mona?
Me: Maybe, but I don't think so.
Oliver: Maybe Caden?
Me: No, not Caden.
Oliver: But maybe 'Mona! Mona is my best.
Me: She's your best friend?
Oliver: Yes.
Me: Why?
Oliver: Cause I like her.
Me: Why do you like her?
Oliver: Because I wuz (love) her.
Me: Why do you love her?
Oliver: Because she give me hugs and kisses. Only 'Mona, cause she my best.

Ah young love!!

Back To School Again...and again...and again

How anyone with children is able to work from home is beyond me, because I can barely even read a page without interruption. During a 30 minute video I had to pause it 10 times. These are the things that happened:

Henley fell off the bed
Henley got shoulder deep in a toilet
Oliver's show skipped
Oliver wanted a snack
Henley stole Oliver's snack
Oliver wanted another snack
I forgot my phone in my car
I wanted water
Henley fell off the bed again (she knows how to go up the steps to get to the bed, but doesn't realize that the bed has no lip on it.)
The laundry needs to be changed out

So, therefore, a 30 minute episode took me an hour and a half to watch. Yea, I should be totally prepared for that test I am taking tonight.

The Sickies

Oliver, Henley and myself have been sick with what I can only assume will be the thing that will kill the entire population of Austin. Pneumonia, snot coming out of every orifice and a general malaise. I don't really want to talk about how crappy we all feel, so instead I will just post a video and hope it suffices.

Texas Tornado and a Winter Wonderland

My daughter is officially everywhere. She is like a tiny, blond octopus who is hell bent on insuring that my living room floor never sees the light of day. I have no idea what about the toilet holds her attention and captures her imagination, or why all of the toilet paper must be on the floor, all the books must be off the shelf and all of the DVDs out of their boxes and scattered about. Not only is she a tiny whirlwind of energy, but she is learning to argue and throw fits. At 10.5 months. Not fair!! Or, if you ask my mom, payback. We actually had our first mother/daughter argument today. I told her "no! no!" and she looked at me, nodded her head and turned back to what she was doing. Sometimes you just have to laugh to keep from running away from home screaming.

In other news, we got a fair amount of snow this week. Enough so that very silly snowmen were popping up around the neighborhood and Oliver got beaned by a snowball. It was fun to watch the kids sled down their driveways and see all the animal tracks. However, Oliver wasn't too impressed with the sheer coldness of it, and begged to go inside about 10 minutes into it. Luckily, it only lasted another 14 hours before melting away (or evaporating - CT thinks snow evaporates instead of melting). I have no clue how people do it in foreign lands such as Minnesota or Illinois. Months of this stuff?? I was going insane after a week of being locked in the house with two snotty, coughing, and chilly children. One thing I have learned, I am NOT a stay at home mom. Even though I do not work, I am out almost every day at the library, park, running errands, play dating or going to museums. I have no clue how people actually stay home with their kids all day every day. This is not to say I don't love being a mom, I love my kids. I just love them more when they and I are stimulated by outside activities.

Ode to My Daughter

H is for your Hair. I love the way your hair curls ever so slightly when it is damp, it is even better when it is damp with sweat of a long nap and your cheeks are rosy and your eyes are bright. I run my hands through it and make your curls stand up and I imagine what you will look like when you are two, or entering Kindergarten, or yelling at me about your jerk boyfriend, or on your wedding day. Will it stay this blond? Will I know what to do with curly hair?

E is for Eating. You are not even a year old and a foodie already! There is not a food you won't try, and even if you dislike it at first you keep trying it. You eat as much as your three year old brother some days, and I never want to discourage your love of food. I never want you to see food as an enemy, or a friend. I hope you always retain your thirst for new flavors, textures and cultures as you grow and never deprive yourself of sustenance to fit in a mold.


N is for nursing. I love the way you enjoy nursing all of a sudden, just around the time I thought you were done forever. The way you bury your head into my chest and look up at me pleadingly, breaks my heart and makes me kiss your soft neck. I love that you will nurse in public for the first time since you were a newborn. Costco, the park, the movies, church, even during a 5K, it makes no difference to you as long as you are close to your mommy and have a tummy full of milk.

L is for your special language. Your words, though still jibberish is like sweet songs in my ears. Hearing you shriek and pout and babble and growl is wonderful, exciting and fulfilling. I never had a baby respond to my voice, to music and to reading the way you do - and it pleases me because you are the sort of daughter I always knew I wanted.



E is for your energy. You dance at all music (but prefer Big Band and "booty shaking" music) and clap your hands and shake your body. I love to watch you dance and laugh at your brother who is dancing with you. You also sing every time a tune catches your fancy. I can't wait to dry your hair and hear you humming along like I used to when I was a little girl.



Y is for Youth. You will never again be this little, and because every day that you grow older and bigger I must remember to savor your babyhood. One day I will be your mama, then your mommy, then your mom and some day you may even call me mother (right before I spank you for the first time). Our relationship will not always be this close, but my love for you will never waiver.






J is for jammies. I absolutely love you in your pajamas. When you are sweet smelling from your bath and softly rubbing your tired eyes against my shoulder and kicking your little feet in your feeties. I snuggle you down in our blankets, and kiss your eyelids and quietly sing to you as you nurse your way to dreamland. Some mornings I forget to get you dressed because I want for you to always be in that state of halfway between waking and sleeping.


A is for attention. You pay attention to everything around you, and everyone in your world. You hold people's faces close and study them as if to memorize them for next time you meet. Unlike most babies, toys hold your concentration and you learn to play easily, you play with toys far outside your age range and seem to know exactly what you are doing. No wonder you get so angry when your brother takes them away from you!


N is for nature, which you love. You are not so much a fan of the sun, but that is probably okay given your skin tone. But give you a pile of mud, a sandbox, some rocks, a few twigs and leaves and a big old puddle and you will play and splash and try to eat until your heart's content. Outside is one of your favorite places to be, to feel the world under your hands must make you feel so small and big at the same time. Like you are the first baby in history to see that particular leaf and the way the wind blows it from your hand by an unseen giant.

E is for Embrace. Every morning when you wake, you hug me so hard that it makes me happy to see another morning. I never knew a baby who hugged this early. Even though you slept right next to me all night, it is as if we had parted for months! I love that you miss me even though I was always right there, and love me no matter what. I love your hugs, never stop!

Christmas Revisited

I know, I know, Christmas was a month ago. But I am backed up and I know you people probably wanted to see pictures of the kids unwrapping gifts anyway. We had a great Christmas, made better by the fact that my entire family including in-laws were together celebrating. I am one of those nesting people who is just happier when everyone I love is in one place. Even my cousin Michael, who is in the Air force came from Alaska to be with us. The kids were royally spoiled, but then we all were!
My family is insane when it comes to gifts

and while they were showered with toys, books and clothes, these were the two favorites:

Oliver really "got" the whole Christmas thing this year, which was awesome to see. I made sure we emphisized giving as well as receiving, but that may take a few years to totally grasp. Another tradition that we started this year was "Boxing Day" which in our house is the day that you give all your old stuff (toys and clothes) away to make room for the new. Oliver was hesitant at first, but he doesn't really even notice the things are gone now and he was happy some other kids got to benefit from the toys he and his sister don't play with anymore.

So, though it be about a month late, MERRY CHRISTMAS from the Gosslings!!

On the day you were born

Three years ago today, I was holding and nursing my newborn son for the first time. Actually, at presicely this moment I may have been wolfing down a hamburger and trying not to let my overanxious father see my hootenany being stitched up while he tried get a first glance at the baby... but nevertheless, this day will forever mark the day I became a mom. I didn't become a good mom, or a hot mom, or a perfect mom (that came later) but I became Oliver's mom, and that is all I had to be.

Today, on our way to school, I told Oliver the story of his birth. This is a tradition I hope to carry on with both of my kids every year on the day of their birth. This is how it went.

Me: Three years ago, on the day before you were born, you stopped moving around in my tummy so I went to the hospital to see if you were okay. The nurse said you were fine and that I could go home. I was glad you were okay, but I was sad that you weren't ready to come meet me yet. So Grandmommy...
Oliver: I like Grandmommy.
Me: Yea, me too
Oliver: She is nice.
Me: Yep! Can I continue?
Oliver: Yea
Me: Grandmommy and Granddad took daddy and I out for Mexican food...
Oliver: What Mehitan dood is?
Me: Its like tacos
Oliver: Oh.
Me: I was sad so they took me out for tacos and we went home still waiting for you to come. Daddy and I watched some TV and I took a bath because I was feeling uncomfortable because you were so big in my tummy. Then, we tried to go to sleep but I couldn't, and then, around 2am, I heard a big POP!
Oliver: Pop!
Me: Yea, like that! And I rushed to the bathroom and my water broke. You see, the baby lives in a bag of water that keeps him safe while he grows in the mommy's tummy, and when the baby gets big enough the bag breaks to let the baby out.
Oliver: Why the baby come out?
Me: He just gets too big to stay in any longer.
Oliver: Yay! Tell me dat story again!
Me: It isn't over yet.
Oliver: Oh.
Me: So when my water broke...
Oliver: With THAT baby (points to Henley)
Me: Yes my water broke with Henley too, remember?
Oliver: Yes!
Me: You kicked me in the tummy and my water broke right?
Oliver: (Laughs) yes.
Me: So when my water broke with you, I knew you were going to be here soon and so I told Daddy, "my water broke" and daddy was so fast getting ready, he was dressed in 20 seconds I think.
Oliver: WOA that fast!
Me: Yes, so we got into the car and went to the hospital where you were going to be born! But we stopped because daddy was having a tummy ache from the Mexican food.
Oliver: Tacos.
Me: Right! We got to the hospital and I told them I wanted to walk around to get you out, I wasn't ready to rest yet! The contractions hurt, but not too bad.
Oliver: What a taction?
Me: It is the word for what happens to a mommy's body when the baby tries to come out.
Oliver: Why the baby come out?
Me: Remember, you got too big to stay in any longer and you wanted to meet all of your family! So we went to the hospital and everyone who loved you was there. Big mama, Grandmommy, grandpa, Aunt Liz and Aunt Britty. They all wanted to be the first to love on you! After a long time, I was in a lot of pain and even though I wanted you to have the best start at life, I got some medication to make the pain go away at the last minute. I pushed and pushed and slowly slowly you came out and I was so happy and I held you and kissed you and you were so yucky and covered in goo. I nursed you for the first time and you loved to nurse, remember?
Oliver: I like boods!
Me: No kidding. Anyway, that was the way you were born, and you made me a mommy!
Oliver: Do we have raisins?

So for all of you fans of Oliver out there, here he is, retro style!
Birth


6 months


1 year old!


18 months old!



2 years old!


2 and a half (notice the scowl)


Halloween, nearly 3!

Being Present

Not so long ago, I was an addict. I ignored my kids, neglected my household duties, even forwent food and drink for this terrible drug of choice. It was, of course, my addiction to my computer. It didn't take an intervention to break me of this habit. In a moment of clarity and possibly frustration, while I was trying to type with one hand while entertaining a squirming baby with the other, bouncing her on my knee while trying to balance the laptop and all the while my son is sitting like a potato on the couch having his mind eaten away by cartoons, it hit me, this computer was taking over my life and my kids' lives. And then the computer hit the wall. Hard. It felt really really good.

I look back and realize how much it was my fault that my son didn't talk until he was two. How many moments I probably missed because I thought my opinion was so important to women I have never met and hardly knew. How many opportunities to teach my children that passed while I was busy trying to make my life seem funny and light, on a blog that only served to feed my own ego. I think about all this wasted time, all the snuggles that went unrequited, all the bonding time with my husband I took for granted, all the snubbing of affection I did because I had to get one more thought out. I think about all of these missed life memories and I want to scream.

I finally decided that I would rather be out making more memories with my kids rather than writing down all of the memories we did make. I don't want to fit my kids in when I have time, they deserve better than that! I want to be present for them, in the moment when they are showing me a new dance move or are THIS CLOSE to letting go of the table and walking into my arms. I want to play half games of Candyland until the cows come home and teach every single one of Oliver's dolls to use the potty. I want my daughter to know that she is worth me taking the time to teach her how to be a woman, I want my son to know that he is worth listening to.

So I am sorry, blog fans, if the posts are less and less. I am going to seriously try to post videos and pictures, but if I fall short of your expectations, find comfort in the fact that I am finally rising up to the expectations of my children.

Lollipops

Oliver: Will you get me something to lick mommy?
Me: Like what?
Oliver: Like a blue lollipop?
Me: We don't have any lollipops
Oliver: Okay. (sad face) I'll have an ice cream sandwich.

Meet my Kids

This is Oliver, the sweetest boy in the world, who has hair that sticks straight up in the morning if his daddy doesn't blow dry it after his bath and 'blue eyes' that are really turning green. His favorite activities are helping me in the kitchen, turning people into baby birds with magic wands he finds in the park, and scaring other people by climbing to the very tippy top of the playscape. He begs to play in our cars and likes to push all the buttons, toggle all the switches and pull all the levers. Then, when you go to start the car, he likes to laugh at you when everything comes on and you scream. His likes also include rain, cats, pancakes, Pixar movies, playing in the rain, sneaking coffee, jellybeans, tea parties and taking pictures of his friends. His dislikes include lizards, loud noises (he covers his ears), casseroles, transitions (ie, bathtime, naptime, bedtime, but doesn't mind bathing or sleeping), sharing, costumes and drinking water.

This is Henley. She is the most beautiful child and strongest baby in the world. She was born scowling at the world but she has come to terms with it now. She enjoys fans, Mam pacifiers, Sofie T. Giraffe, banana, naps, bosoms for pillows, her brother, petting the cat, cuddles, toe licking by dogs, chatting, sparkly necklaces, doing push-ups and long hair. Her dislikes include: Angry voices, teeth, diaper changes, long car rides, eating during the day, sad music, being left alone too long and restrictive clothing.

I am amazed every day that no one has sprung out from a closet and said "These kids aren't actually yours! You have been punked" And then laughed hysterically at the idea that I would ever be trusted with another life, much less two of them. Oliver forces me to look my 2 year old self straight in the eye and then attempt to parent it. I wonder if Henley will be the same way. I know I have it easy with these two kids, both are healthy, neither have special needs or have allergies. They both are super smart and beautiful (even to other people)! And still I wonder some days how I am going to survive to see tomorrow.

Every morning I wake excited about the day that is coming, every day around 4 I am dying for it to be over. I never thought I could work this hard, for this long, for this little pay. But the first time Henley accidentally said "mama" was worth it. The first time Oliver announced his name to me in the kitchen was worth it. The first time she got up on her hands and knees with this look on her face like she was the first baby to attempt such a feat. Oliver's first steps, Henley's first giggle. His early potty learning and her birth. These are such points of pride for me it makes it (almost) forget about the aching muscles, the constant headache, the ever-present guilt, the exhaustion, the second guessing and the sweat and tears.

Parenting is not all bliss, it is not all good, and some of it is down right terrible. One thing is comforting though, I bet you when my kids become the amazing adults that they will become I won't be thinking about the tantrums but the triumphs of my parenting career. Yay for the amnesia of nostalgia!!

A Labor (Day) of Love

Just some photos of our Labor Day! We spent it eating ribs and drinking beer with my lovely family. Oliver had a blast at Grandmommy's house and even took a really long nap there! I think he would move in with his Grandma or Grandmommy, he is totally in love with all his grandparents!

A Good Day

Lets start with what a bad day looks like. It looks like the television being on all day, me being checked out and dinner being a complete fail. It looks like Oliver throwing a tantrum over dinner, the baby being ignored, and Oliver's brain rotting in his brain because I am completely uninterested or too tired from the night before to even try to be creatively teaching him. It looks like no park, no rain, just oppressive heat so outside play is undesirable. 4pm fills me with dread for the next 2 hours, those two hours are the longest of my day because CT will not be home until 6. Oliver begs for food before dinner and I relent, causing a dinnertime meltdown where he will not eat and just wants to be held and throws tantrums because we are eating and he is not hungry. I go to bed on a bad night feeling like if I had just left my children with a half intelligent monkey that day, they would have learned more and been just as well looked after (Fun Fact: Ape milk is almost identical to human milk) and I go between wanting to wake Oliver up and cuddle him all night apologizing for yelling at him over how clumsy he is and wanting to just get into the car and leaving forever. The guilt threatens to suffocate me on a bad day.

On a good day which are rare and far between. The radio is on the better part of the day, but the television is off. We play at the park all morning and find time to do a puzzle or two or other educational activity before nap. There is no tantrum before nap, because Oliver was able to behave like a child all morning. After nap we do an activity like the pool, or cookie making or crafts until dinner. Oliver plays alone during dinner prep and while he begs me for food still, I do not give him anything. He eats his dinner, which doesn't suck. Henley gets a full 3 naps during the day, plays contentedly when she is up and doesn't puke on me as soon as I get dressed. I get a shower. Oliver goes up to bed without screaming bloody murder. Henley gets to sleep at a decent hour and doesn't scream in her sleep every 10 minutes. I fall into my bed exhausted from having to be on from 6am-8pm. There were still tantrums but they were dealt with swiftly and only a bit of yelling.

Wow, is that what my life has become? All I need for a day to be decent, for me to go to sleep feeling more like a mom than a monster is to wear myself completely out all day long? I read somewhere that a child Oliver's age shouldn't be inactive for longer than an hour unless they are asleep. This is so tiring, I don't know what to say. Most days the kid can't take a crap unless I am sitting right there with him. On these days he will not play outside, or in the pool or at the park without me right there all the way. I long for better days, the days when he will go discover the world on his own a little. And yes, I know they grow up so fast and I shouldn't wish it away. Trust me, the guilt for even saying it out loud will consume me as I try to sleep tonight.

6:30

IS NOT A TIME TO WAKE UP. It is a time to roll over, look at the clock and go. back. to. bed. It makes me hella grumpy to make eggs and toast at this unearthly hour when none of my friends are up because their awesome toddlers sleep until 8, or 10 even (though the friend who's son does that is about 20 months pregnant and she may or may not be in for a rude awakening). Oliver insists that it is indeed the time to wake up. He is wrong, but there is no talking to the child. I long for day light savings.

Henley has been going through what all babies go through when they hit about 4 months old and is waking up every hour or so. It is completely unfair that parenting books tell you at 4 months children should be able to only wake once. Yea, I guess they should be able to, except for the fact that this is the time that they 1. Learn to roll over 2. Learn that there is an outside world that is interesting 3. Need to take in the biggest amount of breastmilk that they will ever need. I really wish that they would include that, because without fail, women with children this age decide that this night waking is happening to only them and it must mean that 1. They are deficient 2. The baby is ready for solids 3. To let the baby cry cause it is being needy and manipulative.

I wish they would just suffer through it like I am having to do and stop reading parenting books. Parenting books for new moms are like fashion magazines for teenagers. They will only make you feel ugly. No matter what you are doing or how good you have it, you will never ever ever have the perfect baby they seem to think you should have. I am very much a fan of books that talk about child rearing philosophy but not so much on those that talk about specifics. How to books are for car mechanics, not mothers.

Henley is an amazing child. She talks so much, laughs often and is so interactive which is half the issue. Seems the child doesn't want to stop cooing for long enough to fall asleep. I never really understood that whole "mothering is so rewarding" thing with Oliver. He was so serious, he never laughed and rarely smiled so after a while I just gave up. After reading Nurture Shock I am pretty convinced that my lack of responsiveness was what lagged his language so far behind. I love both my kids of course, but, as a wise woman once said, "You should just throw the first baby out, like the first batch of biscuits." In otherwords, the first time around you are going to screw up and freak out about 100 times a day. By the second, it is down to about 50. You will ruin the experience with worry and fear that the child will never eat, never sleep and will never walk. I am trying very very hard not to do that this time.

Henley on the other hand, is a much more expressive child. Her cries even sound like "mooommy, daaaaddy!" and even though it is frustrating, it is still super cute to listen to. Thank god, for now she takes really good and long naps. Two hours in the morning, 2-3 in the afternoon and one hour at around 4pm. This is, of course, only true if I never leave the house and put her down exactly one and a half hours after she woke up. I miss my friends, my playdates and the inside of my car. I know this won't last forever, and I should take this downtime to reconnect with Ollie and catch up with my reading, so I will just let it be for now.

A Cluster of Caterpillars

Thanks to an interwebz friend of mine, I was able to grow some terrific looking sunflowers this year. Terrific, that was, until they were eaten in their entirety. At first glance it looks like the sun just got to these flowers, too much of a good thing perhaps. However, at second glance you may get the heeby-jeebies. An army of caterpillars - side note: I have grown to really enjoy what a group of things are called: An destruction of wild cats, a battery of barracudas, a congregation of alligators, you get the picture - has taken over my once vibrant plants. These are mean looking suckers! They have spines on their backs.



In my never ending quest obsession to teach my kids about nature lately, I am thinking what a wonderful way to teach Oliver about the metamorphosis of a butterfly. I really hoped it was a butterfly and not some icky moth, those things freak me out just a little. I think it is their lack of shame. Butterflies are pretty and they don't like to be caught, moths get tangled in your hair if you are standing too close to a lightbulb. Stupid moths, clearly the cocker spaniels of the insect kingdom.

So, not having an expert friend to call, I google it and come to find out, we have our selves a coven of "Painted Ladies" butterflies. All the information I could find on them were how to get rid of the little buggers. I guess they are a real problem for sunflower seed farmers across America. Darn butterflies, taking the seeds right out of the mouths of sunflower seed addicted people in this nation, what else would my sister nosh on during long car trips or while drinking lots of beer at the farm? Anyway, for my purposes, the caterpillars are welcome to stay, as they are not disturbing my other crops and they are getting fatter by the day.


Soon we shall have a bumper crop of chrysalises and then BUTTERFLIES!!! I am showing Oliver each step, but to be honest, even with the help of Eric Carle, I am not sure he is really grasping the concept. I sure am geeking out though, this is something I have wanted to do since I was a little feller and my grandmama tied a stocking on a stick and went butterfly catching. We never caught one, but at least we looked silly!!

Picnics

I hesitate to even write about this because I didn't get any video or photo footage of the event, and apparently some people who read my blog skip any post with out photos, which, quite frankly, hurts my feelers just a bit. However, the reason I started this blog is so that people could keep up with us as a family, even though they live far away and so that I could document the lives of my children. So in that spirit, it would be a shame NOT to post.

This weekend has been one of blankets on the grass, grease dripping down your arm, mosquitoes nipping at your nose and the discovery of stars. On Friday, we met some friends at an outdoor production of Annie in a local (not so local to the burbs) downtown park. Now, those of you who know us know that sleep is sacred to the Goss family and schedule is the idol at whose feet we worship. Dinner at 5, bath at 7, sleep at 8. The play started at 8:30pm. In an effort to make summer a magical, fun, exploratory time, we broke the schedule and went anyway. Luckily, Oliver slept from 2-5pm for his nap, so it threw the schedule off just enough to be workable.

A sea of bodies all perched on the side of a hill greeted us as we weaved in and out of the crowd to find our blanket. Thank god we have friends who went earlier and reserved a spot earlier in the day, we had nearly front row seats! As soon as the sun dropped below the merciful trees, the show began. I was nervous about how Oliver would sit still for a performance that was not animated, but he was transfixed to the stage! I caught him singing along to songs he has never even heard before out of pure joy and a need to feel a part of the action in front of him. He delighted at the dog (who was less than professional) who played Sandy, and even the baby was quietly happy during the performance. Side note, it is nearly impossible to nurse on the side of a hill. There is absolutely no good way to comfortably do it.

During a lull in the singing and choreography, Oliver looked up into the night sky. He gasped! "STARS!!! Mommy, daddy, LOOK STARS!!" Yes, there were stars, just starting to appear. I turned my attention back to the stage, but he kept looking up. I didn't get it until this morning that this was the first time in over 6 months that he has seen stars. Thanks to my stringent schedule, my son missed the stars. This is a lesson, never allow sleep to get in the way of enjoying the night and understanding the world. We all left that night tired and happy...except for the baby who screamed at such a fevered pitch the entire way home I thought she was being stabbed by goblins. Car seat goblins are terrible this time of year. She resolved her screaming into a rumbling growl by the time we got home, which sorta made us smile. She was too tired to scream, but by god she was still pissed.

The next day, Saturday, we headed out to the family farm for some downtime and running around hiking time with the kiddos. We had planned on mowing the lawn and doing other tasks for upkeep, but secretly I had plans of a hammock, me and a book. Unfortunately, that was not meant to be as one of my cousins had planned a "bachelor weekend" and all his friends were there playing poker and drinking (and mowing, thanks guys!). Side note, when going to the farm, you should NOT bring a 50" big screen TV. The whole point is to be outside, playing games and getting back to nature...TV will be there when you get back home.

So, we took the lunch that we had bought at the best sausage place in the entire world (love you Southside!!) and packed up the kids and went into the woods to enjoy our picnic. Oliver found the perfect place to have our picnic. We lay our blanket over the soft pine needles and thanked the trees for providing the perfect amount of shade. We ate our lunch, drank some beer leftover from the night before and talked. I will never forget the site of CT peeing on a tree and Oliver standing beside him with his hands behind his back, extremely serious looking, learning how to do the same. "You gotta lean back, son!" Oliver nods. I laughed and cursed myself for not bringing my camera. On the way back to the car, we see a gigantic spider, once again, I am angry we didn't bring the camera, and then even angrier I didn't see the barbed wire that afixed itself to my leg until it ripped into my calf. The spider was worth it though, especially since Oliver's favorite book right now is "The Very Busy Spider" by Eric Carle.

Yea we were hot about 90% of this weekend. Sweat dripped into our eyes and the kids were both sticky, smelly and dirty. We got mosquito bites and chigger bites and I probably have tetanus. But there were smiles on our faces, lessons about growing up and parenting buzzing in our heads and for the first time in a long time, we got to say hello to the stars.

The Idle Parent

Long morning this morning, we got out at 9am to get gas before the Mother Goose Storytime at the library, and then we went to Old Navy at 10 to buy some super cheap duds (hello $2.50 flip flops and $2 camis!?!). I found myself not sure what to do with the rest of the morning before naptime at 1pm, so we headed to the park after I checked the temperature gauge on my dashboard. As it only read 88 degrees, we headed there.

First let me say that the park is not my favorite. Oliver doesn't really know what to do with himself because he wants me to play WITH him and to be honest, climbing around a playscape with a 14lb baby strapped to my chest in boiling weather is less than fun. He gets bored, I get grumpy, and we leave, usually within the hour. I have been reading several different sources about letting kids be kids, leaving them alone to pursue the joys and pitfalls of the world and living without being there every moment of every second of the day to catch them when they stumble. The idea is, kids NEED to stumble, they need to mess up and get dirty and fall down to learn how to get back up again. Falling is half of the fun and failing is most of the journey!


So, having read all of four chapters of the three books I want to read on the subject (listed below), I wanted to try an experiment. I would sit in the shade with the baby while Oliver explored his world. I would not freak out that I could not see him. I would not worry that the mother over there was judging me for letting him slide down a slide alone. I would allow him to interact with children of all ages and work problems out for himself. If he called for me, I would go, but once I helped him with what he wanted, I would go back to being an observer.

Guess what happened? He. Played. Let me go back to say that the child has rarely played by himself for longer than 5 minutes since the baby was born. I guess some kids regress with sleep, or peeing (did that too) but his major regression was play. He climbed to the top of the playscape, he slid down the slide repeatedly, he found a place where he could scare every parent in the park by swinging over a 4 foot drop, he ran over to some 7-8 year olds who were pretending to play restaurant with the twigs and rocks and ordered a pie (no joke, the kid asked for a pie). Eventually, a nosy parent went over to where four kids of varying ages and sexes were playing sweetly and politely together and ruined all of it by hovering and wondering why this long haired hippie boy was without parent.

So, Oliver lost interest and asked to go to the creek that runs behind the park. All three of us waded in it a bit, until Oliver got his shorts wet in the water and started panicking because he knows "wet pants=time to go immediately" but I assured him that he was okay, that the water getting him wet was not the same as pee getting him wet. After a while, I sat down on a rock, happy as a clam to watch him try to catch fish, poke at the moss with sticks, watch leaves go down stream, toss rocks into the creek and finally, find a "wand" that he would turn me into a baby bird so he could feed me worms.

While the kids played with a very nice, albeit boring and plastic playscape which was quickly heating up in the sun, Oliver poked around in the bushes barefoot with his poking stick and walked in a creek. Just by breathing, I was able to allow him to discover the magic of a summer day with nothing to do and no where to be. He played for almost two hours in that way. When was the last time your toddler did anything for two hours?

My only regret? I didn't bring a book. No really, the hard part about being an "Idle Parent" for me isn't really the idea that he is going to get hurt. My house has far more things that can kill him than the tiny part of wilderness we found today, but it was the eyes of other parents. The women who don't let their kids play alone, who hover and cajole and say "no" constantly. They are worn out and feel I should be too. I felt like I was being a terrible mom just by enjoying the day and letting him enjoy it without me structuring his playtime. I felt more relaxed at the end of our trip than if I had taken a nap. Best part? It was the best parent I have been in a long time, and all I did was sit, watch and enjoy my children.

Books to read on Idle Parenting/getting back to nature

Last Child in the Woods by Richard Louv
The Idle Parent by Tom Hodgkinson
Free Range Kids by Lenore Skenazy

I Love My Husband

You know that day? That day when you just feel so angry that you even HAD kids in the first place? That day when your couch smells like pee and your shoulder smells like puke? That day when the baby and the toddler are conspiring against you to see who can make you the craziest? That day when you lock yourself out side of the house on purpose just to have a moment of peace? That day when you yell at the toddler "watch your sister" and take off in the car to get the mail just so you can clear out the murderous thoughts in your head - only to feel guilty for doing so, even though it only took about 30 seconds to do it. That day when you call your mom to come over to help you cook something you really don't need help with, just to hear the sound of another adult's voice? Well that day was yesterday.

I of course bitched to my husband about how sad and pitiful my charmed life is. Poor pitiful me, I don't have to work and I get to stay home with my babies all day and live comfortably and don't really have to worry about money and my biggest stressor is that my babies want to touch me too much. Woe is me. I know, I know, stupid bourgeois problems. But they are MY problems, which make them huge and overwhelming. There isn't ever anything that "goes wrong" it is just an overall feeling of hatred at the day and situation.

The day got better, with help from a kiddie pool and some nap down time, but I was still feeling rough by the time my husband came home. When I saw what he had brought me, it made me love him all over again:They were eaten quickly, but will be savored always. He just got them for me on the spur of the moment, nothing huge, but to me, they were everything. From the top left, we have: creme brulee, salted butter carmel, pecan and cardamom. Dear lord, how that man must love me!!

An Alternative Lifestyle

I wanted to post my shot schedule here, as many people have asked, and it would be a nice way to look back at what shots were like in 2010, before the zombie apocalypse of 2025 (it will happen people, be prepared and have your axes sharpened).

But first, a look back as to what kids USED to be given, say in 1982 when I was the cutest baby alive. In 1983, the schedule consisted of 10 vaccines given to children before the age of 6 years. In 2007, 36 vaccines are given. Check it out yourself: http://www.generationrescue.org/pdf/cdc_comparison.pdf Were kids dying at an inordinate rate in 1983 from things like chicken pox, mumps and diptheria? No. Did the drug companies figure out how they can make a shit ton of money off of vaccines? Yes!

I feel that vaccines are a personal choice, and range in necessity from family to family and even child to child. If I had a high risk child, or lived a high risk lifestyle (formula feeding or daycare exposure) my children would probably have been given the entire gambit of vaccinations. Maybe not even then, as polio has been extinct for years in 90% of the world and the HPV vaccine is killing a high percentage of the girls it is supposed to be "helping". So, my husband and I sat down after about three years of research on my part to decide, once and for all, what vaccines OUR kids needed. I am not a doctor, so please do not treat our vaccine schedule as medical advice, just an educated guess.

We decided to skip altogether the following vaccines:

Hep B - this is a sexually transmitted disease that babies are not likely to get, at which time my children are of age to make sexual decisions, they can at that time get that vaccine
Polio (IPV)- My grandmother had this disease as an adult, and it caused her much pain and weakness for the rest of her life, I get the horror of this disease. My children will not be receiving this vaccine as the disease has been eradicated from the majority of the world and the chances of getting it are about zero.
Rotavirus (Rota) - This vaccine has about a 50% fail rate and as my children are not in a high risk category, I am skipping it. The only people I know who get this flu are the people who vaccinate against it, no thanks.
Chicken Pox (Varicella) - Last time I checked, chicken pox was not a deadly disease, less so than the flu, this is big pharma stealing money from over concerned parents.
HPV - Another sexually transmitted disease that most women have had or will get. Some forms of it cause cervical cancer, however, this vaccine only vaccinates against a small percentage of the Human Papalmoa viruses, and not the ones that cause cancer at that. I HAD this disease (though my body healed itself and I don't have it anymore) and I still won't vaccinate against it. This vaccine is also killing many girls and has been made illegal in other countries to test or distribute.
Flu - Don't get me started on this one. Remember the swine flu?? Yea, you are still alive aren't you? Well so am I and everyone I know, and we didn't get the shot.

So what ARE we giving our kids? Don't worry folks, there are more shots than you can imagine, these are the ones we ARE giving our kids:

Diphtheria, Tetanus and Pertussis (DTaP) - Though no one has died from diphtheria since the Oregon Trail, they have decided to lump it together with diseases people still get often, tetanus and pertussis. Pertussis is rampant here, especially in the summer and can be deadly to a newborn-1 year. After that you are pretty much in the clear and it just results is a bad cough, but Oliver is fully vaxed against it cause he is around tiny babies all the time and I don't want him passing it on. If they made individual shots of these, I would give them to my kids, but they don't and I suspect the reason why is $$.

HiB - Very long name, very rare disease, but the side effects are minimal and if you get the disease there is a slim chance of survival so we said what the heck, lets throw caution to the wind and jab our kids with it.

Prevnar (PCV) - This guards against a disease that can cause spinal meningitis in small babies. It is rare, but kids still get it all the time. A friend of mine just had a baby in the hospital for a month recovering with this disease, so yea, we are getting it done. Too bad the stupid nurse gave our kids the WRONG EFFIN VACCINE last time...

Hep A - This is a food borne disease that we are giving our kids before they go to school because ever since the Bush administration, kids' lunches aren't even scrutinized by the FDA anymore and are about 25 cents worth of nutrition and hygeine standards, so yea, we will get this, but delayed as they are low risk at the moment.
MMR - Ah yes, the "autism" vaccine. If they would just split these up, I would have no issue giving my children this vaccine on schedule, however, they won't ($$) and keep promising to do it next year (sorta a free beer tomorrow situation). We will get this, but around the time the kids go to elementary school and not a moment before. This is a heavy duty vaccine, and I do not want their immune systems weakened by it. I care less about the shaky autism link and more about the link to celiac, lupus, crones, and other immunological diseases.

Our vaccine schedule as it stands today (I will change as I study, I am sure):
* 2 months:DTaP
* 3 months: Prevnar (Pc), HiB
* 4 months: DTaP
* 5 months: Prevnar(Pc), HiB
* 6 months: DTaP
* 7 months: Prevnar (Pc), HiB
* 15 months: Prevnar (Pc), HiB
* 18 months: DTaP
* 2 1/2 years: HepA
* 3 1/2 years: HepA
* 4 years: DTaP
* 5 years: MMR
* 12 years:Tdap
* 13 years: Meningococcal (or earlier)