Today is the first day that I have felt good. I mean, energetic, happy, and not wanting to strangle Oliver. Oh, and I pooped without feeling like blades were slicing me in two (still bled though). Hemorrhoids have got to be the worst part of labor and delivery for me. My mom is coming shortly to watch the napping kids while I grocery shop, which will be the first time to myself in almost 4 weeks. Oliver and Henley overlap their naps by about an hour while I usually frantically clean or watch TV. Please don't tell me I should be napping, I am no good at daytime naps and they leave me more grouchy than if I had just stayed awake.
I just cleaned out my freezer, and found that I still have 2 weeks worth of meals from people (this doesn't count the stuff that I can make myself with the ingredients I have. How awesome are my friends and family!? It makes me feel so warm and fuzzy that regardless of my mental state and level of exhaustion, my family will eat for the next two weeks. Also it makes me feel awesome that my freezer will be empty enough for my husband to brew a lager by the end of the month! I have decided to use disposable diapers on Henley when we are out of the house - so much easier to carry in a diaper bag. And I am stepping up the PTing of Oliver. Getting some training pants shortly.
Let me just say, that having two kids is so extremely hard. I literally wanted to kill Oliver for the first few weeks. No, I am not kidding. I would lay there holding him trying to get him to nap while his sister screamed in the other room and I would think about how much I hated him. HATED. Of course, then I would leave him and hate myself for even thinking that. He is a good kid, and now that he is on a strict schedule (this is a must for two or more kids btw), it has gotten easier. He naps, he sleeps at night, he eats. However, he is SO needy. Much more so than the littlest one. Today is the first day that I have felt the old adage that your heart grows with room for both children. Up until today, I felt like my heart evicted my oldest so that my youngest could survive.
Anyway, that is me. Tomorrow I may be in the gutter again (going 5 days with no shower will do that to a person) but today? Today is a good day.
3 comments:
interesting. i had the opposite reaction. it took me a very long time to like my newborn. she's 7 months old, and i still have a hard time with her. so i guess it can go both ways!
I reacted much like you. And I also did the SAME thing about diapers. Kynan never had a paper diaper until pull ups (a brand new product at the time!), but it was just so much easier to use them with Declan when we were out. Do not tell them I posted this. They know you.
I am glad there's some light at the end of the tunnel. I think having a second child really, really increased my ability to empathize with other mothers and took me down a notch with my ideas of what a brilliant mother I was. And that was a good thing.
You will later reap many rewards, like when they start entertaining each other and you find you can do crafts again!
It's so nice that you can be so brutally honest and have friends and other mothers that support you, validate you and comfort you. Now, me on the other hand...
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